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Take, for example, Cynthia Nixon of Sex and The City fame. “Such statements,” she writes, “infuse biological accounts with an obligatory and nearly coercive force, suggesting that anyone who describes homosexual desire as a choice or social construction is playing into the hands of the enemy.” People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often cast as homophobic, and their thinking is considered backward – even if they are themselves gay. But what feels most accurate to say is that I’m gay – but I wasn’t born this way.Īs Jane Ward notes in Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men, what’s interesting about many of these claims is how transparent their speakers are with their political motivations. But that doesn’t feel like an accurate description of my sexual history, either. How do I explain that I was honestly in love with a woman? Some people might argue that I am innately bisexual, with the capacity to love both women and men. If so, that ‘blip in the road’ has always been a thorn in my flesh. After all, most kids experiment with heterosexuality in college, don’t they? But that was nothing more than a blip in the road. Well, you must have been gay the whole time, some might think, and because of some religious shame, you decided to lie to yourself and experiment with a girl. To this day, she and I joke about how she was the only girl I was ever in love with, and how I would’ve been quite happy marrying her.Īs a writer, this kind of complicated story is incredibly interesting to me – mostly because it shows that my own personal history resists the kind of easy classifications that have come to dominate discussions of sexuality. I even went so far as to fall in love with one. During that time, we both pal’d around with girls on the side. I came out at a conservative Christian college in the US and was in a gay relationship for around two years with a basketball player who ended up marrying a woman. My sexual journey through college was anything but run-of-the-mill. They weren’t subject to human imagination or experimentation – to the frustration of many sociologists, and kids, like myself, who found themselves inexplicably in bed with a player from the other team.
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If you happened to engage in activity that ran counter to your sexual identity, then you had two options: you were lying to yourself and everyone else, or you were just experimenting.
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It was 2006, a full five years before Lady Gaga would set the Born This Way argument atop its unassailable cultural perch, but even then the popular understanding of orientation was that it was something you were born with, something you couldn’t change. You so obviously cannot be gay, was her implication, because this is good sex. Today was an opportunity but another opportunity we have is a European second leg coming up.It wasn’t a command - it was a challenge. "We want to finish strongly, the reason we are in Europe because of our strong finish last year. But he didn't and I am glad he didn't because he is an honest player and does so many good things. Then we had the incident when Jarrod gets through and maybe if Jarrod had trailed his leg like others do then maybe the situation of the whole game would have changed at that point. I was hoping we might have nicked another before the break. "Our play had been good enough to get the equaliser. It came down to two simple things, we'd have liked to have not given the corner kicks away but when we did we could have defended them better. "We had a game Thursday, they didn't, so we were entitled to a slow burning start. We knew that was a risk and we got punished for it.
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We also made a few changes which left out some of the bigger players who might have been involved in those situations. We conceded a couple of set pieces which we are normally very good at, both attacking and defending. West Ham boss David Moyes, speaking to BBC Sport: "I thought we had done well enough.